A recent study by American scientists has shown that water accounts for 100% of drownings in the United States. After the information was presented to the nation health committee on Thursday, it was decided that we must take action against this danger. Albert Skoff, head of the national health committee, says "Drownings are a constant danger and concern in this country, and we must do everything we can to prevent it. With this new information about the cause of these drownings I believe there is only one course of action we can take. We will have to ban water." Skoffs' plan to ban water will involve fencing off lakes and rivers, building a giant wall to block off the oceans, and closing all water distribution plants. No information has been given regarding how rain will be eliminated, though the theory that the government controls the weather and will stop all precipitation prevails.
The citizens of the United States are in an uproar regarding this news. "All these years I kept my kids close to such a huge danger! And they told us water was a good thing," cries one outraged mother. A middle aged pool owner is in shock, "I never would have opened a pool if I knew drowning was such an issue," he says "If I had know I would have bought an ice-cream truck"
The vote on whether or not we ban water will take place this Friday at 10 P.M. Be sure to keep informed because if the bill is passed then all water based products in your home will have to be taken to the nearest police station for disposal.
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